My boyfriend and I are moving next week! We rented a super high-vibe luxury townhouse that is brand new. We’re going to be the first people to ever live in it.
This will be our first official place together and we’re both so excited about it!!
And as I’ve prepared for this move by doing things like going through my stuff and deciding what I’m keeping, what I’m throwing out, and what I’m donating, I’ve also begun looking at all of the internal stuff as well.
The internal stories, baggage, patterns, negative thoughts, limiting beliefs, old ways of being, and whatever else I don’t want to bring with me into this new phase of our life together.
Funnily, it seems like there has been a lot more internal stuff to clean up and clear out than external stuff. SO MUCH has come up over the last couple of weeks as we’ve prepared for this move than I ever expected.
One example is that I had a hater commenter on one of my TikTok videos earlier this week. The person started off by asking me a seemingly innocent question (that had nothing to do with the video), and once I answered, they began going off on all kinds of things and spewing judgment and hatred all over the place.
This triggered so much inner shit for me (as it sometimes does) because I got bullied for most of my childhood and my inner child still hasn’t fully healed from all of it.
As I went through this hater experience and processed what was coming up for me, I realized a handful of really important things:
- I am no longer available to be bullied by anyone, including haters on the internet who think I “asked for it” by posting a public video on TikTok
- I am no longer willing to allow anyone or anything to make me feel not good enough because I’m not living up to the standards that they feel I should be
- I am the only one who can take a stand for my inner child and protect her from further harm
Situations like this have happened many times over my online journey the past 14 years, but this was the first time I realized that I was unwilling to let it continue.
I used to ignore or just leave hater comments up on my social media because I believe that people are allowed to have their own opinion and express it if they want to. But after this week, I’ve decided that is no longer acceptable.
My social media is a bullying-free zone from here on out, and I will no longer engage with haters of any kind. I will simply delete or block them and move on with my day.
Because allowing myself to be bullied or be made to feel unworthy or not good enough by someone else is not something I want to bring with me into my new house and this new chapter of my life.
That is some of the internal baggage I’m clearing out and getting rid of.
Another big thing that has come up for me is the limiting belief that things don’t get to be this good and that the “other shoe has to drop” at some point.
Not only is our new place brand new, but it’s gorgeous.
It has white cabinets and granite countertops. It has 9-foot ceilings, and a two-car garage (a must in snowy NY and something I’ve never had as an adult so far). It even has a pond behind the building so we’ve got a cool water view.
On top of that, my boyfriend is insisting that this place be a vibe (I obviously agree), and so we’ve been designing what we want each room to look and feel like, and buying new stuff to match that vibe.
It has all felt a little too good to be true.
That fear has been sneaking up on me for the past couple of weeks until it came out in my journaling the other night before bed. My inner child was literally freaking out and telling me how worried she was that things can’t be this good.
What adult me knows is that this is simply a limiting belief. Something I was taught growing up (my version of it was “knock on wood so nothing bad happens”) that isn’t actually true.
And this is not something I care to bring with me to the new house in this new chapter of my life.
So I’ve been doing more inner work around this fear, clearing it out, reprogramming it, and deciding that the better it gets, the better it keeps on getting.
I’m sure there will be more stuff coming up as we get closer to the date that we get our keys and actually move in, and I will continue to clear that stuff out and release it, along with all of the physical stuff that I don’t want to bring with me.
For the first time in my life, I’m ready for a clean, clear, fresh start. I no longer care to bring the baggage of the past with me.
I’m finally to a place where I want to fully heal my inner child and give her what she needs going forward from here, so this really is a new start for my life and relationship with my boyfriend.
So often, we just continue to allow ourselves to carry the baggage of our past with us–internal and external–because we think we have to, or we think that we’re not honoring the past if we don’t.
But the truth is, you can honor the past while also no longer giving it permission to be a part of your present and future.
And that’s just a little something I’m working on.
P.S. I will be bringing with me into this new chapter of my life all of the books I’ve written and will continue writing, including my latest novella, The Rules!!
